The Art of World War - 25 Sayings of Joe Tzu

When you don't know what you're doing, neither does your enemy.

You cannot go to a 7-11 or Dunkin Donuts without having a slight Indian accent. I kid you not.

It is more important to outhink your opponent than to outsmart him.

The Next person that tells me I'm not religious, I'm going to shove my rosary up their ass.

One need not beat an adversary. It is necessary only to defeat him.

When you appeal to people's fears and anxieties you can make a lot of change.

I've said it before: to defeat self defeat you have to defeat it yourself.

I sometimes think the only reason the Supreme Court is Black is because Clarence Thomas is on it.

Peace will come when those who want it are willing to pay for it in rubles... err... I mean "self-sacrifice". Uh oh, I'm gonna get in trouble for that one.

You know you're a success when you look at your kids and they turned out gay. Uhh... I mean gay or *bisexual*. Or transgender, and, uhh... you know what I mean... all that other stuff.

I may be Irish but I'm not Irish. Heh heh heh.

Victory comes from overcoming the... umm... you know... the THING.

At some point in life you will lose... but...? Heyyy... what's your name? Sniiiffff.... Pssttt... don't get married until you're thirty. Sniiiffff....

S'good question. Number one, I was a democratic caucus. You ever been to a caucus? No, you haven't! You're a lying, dog faced pony soldier! You said you errr... bubba bubba!

A leader must be prepared to use some of his forces. Or at least all of his forces.

The supreme art of war is to lose without fighting.

President Clinton bankrupted China so the Italians could buy it and sell it back to Chrysler.

My great-grandfather, Raj was from Punjab, India. My grandmother graduated from the University of India.

I said, "I'm leaving in six hours. If the prosecutor isn't fired, you're not getting the money." Well, son of a bitch! He got fired.

In your own mind you will know your... your... your own mind.

The government is 50 percent right half the time.

If it is to your advantage, move forward. If not, move somewhere else.

You cannot lose a battle you never fought.

A man I've known for 25 years and who I'm proud to call my friend, Barack America!

If one can defeat himself he will never be defeated by others.

Fitz