Confession Hogs

I finally did it. After being stuck in the confession ("reconciliation" for those of you in California) line one time too many, behind some confession hog, I said something to the hog as they were exiting the confessional: "Excuse me. Did you not see the line behind you? You were in there for fifteen minutes."

The confession hog, a woman this time (they usually are women... by a factor of about two to one) gaped at me with an incredulous look on her face, then hurried off. No doubt the first time anyone's ever called her on it.

But I had my say and I have to say I'm glad I said it.

The confessional time was limited to an hour. And with ten or eleven people in the queue, she took up one quarter of it for herself. There are far too many Catholics like that. Hogging valuable confessional time - and burdening the poor priest with the sins of everyone but themselves... women being women after all.

At most Catholic churches confession times are usually an hour, once or twice a week. But this can change depending on the parish and the pastor. The church I frequent has quite generous confession times. Even given this, unless you get there early and are at or near the front of the line, it's almost a given that at least one confession hog will be ahead of you - and perhaps your confession won't get heard because of them.

Maybe you've experienced it too?

I'm old now, but happily my capital sins have largely deserted me in favor of more profitable markets. And I no longer have any mortal sins on my conscience. I can be in and out of the confessional in a minute - or two - depending on how chatty the priest is. The way I see it two minutes, four at most, is plenty of time to get whatever you need to off your chest.

The woman today was no anomaly. In fact there've been instances where I couldn't get shriven because confession hogs had gobbled up most of the hour.

Here's a useful admonition regarding confession: "Be brief. Be blunt. Begone."

How long it's been since your last confession... what kind of sins you have committed... and how many. That's it. No need to carry on for half an hour about every mean thing ever said or done to you throughout your entire life.

There is a difference between the sacrament of confession and spiritual direction. If you can't get in and out of the confessional within four minutes then what you're needing is spiritual direction. Make an appointment with the priest for that.

And, as always, thank you for your cooperation in this grave matter.

Fitz