Wednesday, May 16, 2012

"Julia" translated



As the people who've suffered under Communist regimes have had to do, we in the US must now read between the lines to decipher government doublespeak.  The latest propaganda ploy concocted under President Obama's name is "The Life of Julia": which rapturizes how good things will be for "Julia" once Obamacare is enacted; and how Mitt Romney will send "Julia" off to the packing plant if he's ever elected:

http://www.barackobama.com/life-of-julia

Of course it's all delusional leftist fantasy; but today, what were once delusional leftist fantasies are now mainstream thinking.

The staff here at Citizenfitz has worked diligently through the night to translate the "Julia"  codespeak for our score of committed readers. 

Citizenfitz


Age 8 months gestation: Julia's mother has access to free prenatal medical care to ensure that Julia is given the best medical care available by competent physicians.

(Julia survives a late term abortion when the drunken abortionist accidentally sticks the suction curette up her mother's anus. 

Age 3: Julia is enrolled in a Head Start program to help get her ready for school. Because of steps President Obama has taken to improve programs like this one, Julia joins thousands of students across the country who will start kindergarten ready to learn and succeed.

(Julia is enrolled in a Head Start program because her single mother has better things to do with her life than raise children. Because of steps President Obama has taken to improve programs like Head Start, Julia joins thousands of students across the country who will start kindergarten ready to fight and steal whatever's not nailed down.)

Age 17: Julia takes the SAT and is on track to start her college applications. Her high school is part of the Race to the Top program, implemented by President Obama. Their new college - and career - ready standards mean Julia can take the classes she needs to do well.

(Julia takes the SAT and scores an aggregate 6; but because of programs like Road to Ruin, implemented by President Obama, she is accepted into Harvard Medical School. Her high school is part of the Race Riot program, implemented by President Obama. Their new college - and career - ready standards mean Julia can take the classes more qualified people were denied.)

Age 18: As she prepares for her first semester of college, Julia and her family qualify for President Obama's American Opportunity Tax Credit — worth up to $10,000 over four years. Julia is also one of millions of students who receive a Pell Grant to help put a college education within reach.

(As she prepares for her first semester of college, Julia and her family qualify for President Obama's Cash for Flunkers Tax Credit — worth up to $10,000 over four years. Julia is also one of millions of students who receive free cash to help put a college education within reach of  the uneducatable.)

Age 22: During college, Julia undergoes surgery. It is thankfully covered by her insurance due to a provision in health care reform that lets her stay on her parents' coverage until she turns 26.

(During her disastrous college tenure, Julia undergoes her first abortion. It is thankfully covered by her insurance due to a provision in Obamacare that lets her stay on her parents' coverage until she turns 26 - or dies from the consequences of socialized medicine.)

Age 23: Because of steps like the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act, Julia is one of millions of women across the country who knows she'll always be able to stand up for her right to equal pay. She starts her career as a web designer.

(Because of steps like the Lilywhite Bedwetter Fair Pay Act, Julia is one of millions of women across the country who knows she'll always be able to stand up for her right to equal pay. She starts her career as a stripper.)

Age 25: After graduation, Julia's federal student loans are more manageable since President Obama capped income-based federal student loan payments and kept interest rates low. She makes her payments on time every month, keeping her on track to repay her student loans.

(After graduation, Julia's federal student loans are forgotten since President Obama made sure the middle class would take the fall for his megalomaniacal schemes. She falls behind on her payments - even the token minimum. Her stripper work is paying off well though, most of which she hides from the IRS.)

Age 27: For the past four years, Julia has worked full-time as a web designer. Thanks to Obamacare , her health insurance is required to cover birth control and preventive care, letting Julia focus on her work rather than worry about her health.

(For the past four years, Julia has worked sporadically as a prostitute and drug dealer. Thanks to Obama, now dead from AIDS for 8 years, she still has Obamacare - which is required to cover her, letting Julia focus on her drug hunger rather than worry about inconveniences like bills.)

Age 31: Julia decides to have a child. Throughout her pregnancy, she benefits from maternal checkups, prenatal care, and free screenings under health care reform.

(A haggard, prematurely aged Julia decides to have her daddy baby. Throughout her pregnancy, she benefits from maternal checkups, prenatal care, and free drugs under Obamacare.)

Age 37: Julia's son Zachary starts kindergarten. The public schools in their neighborhood have better facilities and great teachers because of President Obama's investments in education and programs like Race to the Top.

(Julia's son Z'antwa'nio starts kindergarten. The public schools in their neighborhood are sewers of ignorance and violence, with security guards instead of teachers because of President Obama's investments in education and programs like Road to Ruin.)

Age 42: Julia starts her own web business. She qualifies for a Small Business Administration loan, giving her the money she needs to invest in her business. President Obama's tax cuts for small businesses like Julia's help her to get started. She's able to hire employees, creating new jobs in her town and helping to grow the local economy.

(Julia starts her own criminal network. She qualifies for a Small Business Administration loan, giving her the money she needs to invest in her business. President Obama's tax cuts for small businesses like Julia's help her to get started. She's able to hire hoodies, and eliminate rivals, creating new jobs in her town and helping to grow the local economy.)

Age 65: Julia is enrolled in Medicare, helping her to afford preventive care and the prescription drugs she needs.

(Julia is enrolled in Medicaid, helping her to live large, free of charge, in a corner suite in the local project.)

Age 67: Julia retires. After years of contributing to Social Security, she receives monthly benefits that help her retire comfortably, without worrying that she'll run out of savings. This allows her to volunteer at a community garden.

(Julia retires. After years of living off government handouts, she receives monthly benefits that help her live the dream, without worrying if she'll run out of  Colt .45 Malt Liquor. This allows her to volunteer at a community garden.)

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